I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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