You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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