The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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