38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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