Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
