I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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