hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
