Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
