A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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