we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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