I am in a vortex of obligation.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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