I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
