my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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