me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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