I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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