I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
