my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
