We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
