well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
