Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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