Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize