We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
