Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
