they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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