I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
