You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize