Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize