Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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