i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
