I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
