i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
