dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
