Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
