3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
