I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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