Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize