Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
