I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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