I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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