cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
