Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
