Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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