it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
