I faked an abortion last night.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
