I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
