it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize