Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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