so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
