We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
