Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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