I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
