I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
