his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
