Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
