Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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