yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
