Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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