new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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