I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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