I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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