Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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