A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So squirting runs in the family.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
