? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
