I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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