this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
