No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
