Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
this will be a night to untag.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
