I looked at my own cervix.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
