put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
