im having a threesome with these popsicles
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
