piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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