I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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