I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
