peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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