idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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