His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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