I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
