insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
