look no pants
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
