she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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